There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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