dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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