Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
