I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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