Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
