I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
