so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Damn victory sex feels great
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
