just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
