Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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