oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
