he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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