Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
