so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will pee on everything he values.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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