I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
