He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
