I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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