Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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