I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
