im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she told me i tasted like america
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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