You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
