It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
