She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
