actually, I'm a sock model
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
