Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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