I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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