We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
