I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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