Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
