Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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