he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
