why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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