Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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