How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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