i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
