is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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