I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I enjoy the company of your penis
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
