I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
