Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
