No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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