D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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