I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
