it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
