Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
