and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
