remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
