how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
