i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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