so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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