we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
