hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
