Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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