I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
