Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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