Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
