from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
