I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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