What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
