i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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