so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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