does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
