when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
