i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
