Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
