I got chris browned last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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