are you still at the devil's house?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
