she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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