a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
