I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
