apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
