Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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