oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
