but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
