Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
