Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
