Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
