Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
