its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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