You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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