Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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