Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
