And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
