Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
