I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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