The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
