You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
